| Acknowledgments |
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xi | |
| Introduction |
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xiii | |
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How to Ruin Your Love Life: |
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Know That Your Wishes Are the Only Ones That Matter in Any Situation |
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1 | (3) |
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Rest Assured That You Know Better about Every Subject Than Your Lover |
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4 | (3) |
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Live Your Life As If Only Your Feelings Count! |
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7 | (2) |
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Point Out Your Lover's Imperfections in Public |
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9 | (3) |
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Never Admit That You're Wrong or Apologize in Any Dispute |
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12 | (3) |
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15 | (2) |
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Demand Expensive Gifts from Your Lover |
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17 | (2) |
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Never Be Grateful for the Gifts You Do Get |
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19 | (2) |
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Carve It in Stone: Love Relationships Aren't Partnerships---They're Master-Servant Relationships, and You Are the Master (or Mistress) |
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21 | (3) |
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Compare Your Lover with Lovers You've Dated in the Past |
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24 | (3) |
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Talk about Yourself Exclusively |
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27 | (3) |
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Remember That Your Lover Is Your Punching Bag |
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30 | (3) |
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Act Moody and Sulky When Your Lover Gets Home---but Don't Tell Him Why You're Sulking! |
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33 | (2) |
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Remember That Your Lover Is Also Your Assistant, Lawyer, Placement Officer, Apartment Finder, and Loan Broker |
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35 | (2) |
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Don't for a Moment Let Your Lover Believe That He's Valued Just for Himself |
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37 | (3) |
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Play Phone Games---That Is, Don't Return Her Calls So She Can See How Cool and Aloof You Are |
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40 | (3) |
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Make Fun of Your Lover's Family |
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43 | (4) |
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Let It Be Known That You Consider Affection to Be a Chore |
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47 | (2) |
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If You're Dating Someone Who Has a Lot of Problems, Is Generally a Mess, and All of Your Friends Dislike Him, Get Married Anyway---Marriage Will Cure All of Your Problems! |
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49 | (3) |
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Don't Ever Tell Your Lover, ``I Love You'' |
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52 | (2) |
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Have a Relationship with Someone Who's Never Happy and Is Always Down in the Dumps . . . and Believe You Can Change Him and Make Him Happy |
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54 | (3) |
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Expect Your Lover to Look Like Someone Out of a Penthouse Centerfold |
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57 | (3) |
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Feel Free to Say Any Cruel Thing You Want to Your Lover, and When Reproached about It, Say, ``Hey, Can't I Even Express My Feelings?'' |
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60 | (2) |
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Forbid Your Lover to See Her Friends |
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62 | (4) |
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Only Pursue Men or Women Who Are Already Taken |
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66 | (3) |
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Always Look Your Worst, or at Any Rate, Don't Bother to Look Your Best |
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69 | (3) |
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Be Consistently Surly and Unfriendly |
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72 | (3) |
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Act Like a Big Baby on Dates |
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75 | (5) |
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Take Total Possession of Your Lover's Home |
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80 | (2) |
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Flirt with Anyone and Everyone---in Front of Your Lover |
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82 | (2) |
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Make the Decision That You're Going to Marry for Money---and Don't Let Love Enter into the Equation |
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84 | (2) |
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If Your Lover Has Parents Who Are Simply Intolerable, Believe in Your Heart That He or She Will Turn Out Totally---or Even a Little Bit---Different from Those Parents |
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86 | (2) |
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Act Out of Jealousy Any Old Time You Feel Like It; In Fact, Let Jealousy Rule Your Life |
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88 | (3) |
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Trust That First Flush of Love, Affection, and Sexual Excitement---and Know That It Will Last Forever |
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91 | (2) |
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Develop an Intense Relationship with Someone with Severe Personal Problems, and Believe in Your Heart That You Can Change Him |
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93 | (2) |
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Have an Affair with Your Lover's Best Friend or Roommate, and Trust That She'll Never Find Out or Even Care! |
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95 | (2) |
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Pretend to Be Someone You're Not |
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97 | (2) |
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Get Involved in Your Lover's Family Business |
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99 | (2) |
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Believe in Your Heart That There's Always Someone Better Just Around the Corner, and Treat Your Current Lover Like He or She is Merely a Temporary Substitute for the Real Thing |
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101 | (2) |
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Act Morally Superior to Your Lover |
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103 | (2) |
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Make Up Strict Rules of Conduct to Keep Your Lover Under Total Stalinist Control |
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105 | (2) |
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Avoid Developing Any Common Interests |
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107 | (2) |
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Don't Value Your Lover's Achievements |
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109 | (2) |
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When Things Are Going Really Well, Start a Fight |
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111 | (4) |
| Afterword |
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115 | (4) |
| About the Author |
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119 | |
