| Introduction |
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xvii | |
| PART I The Spiritual Path to Love |
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Buddhism for Lovers and Partners |
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3 | (12) |
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Say Hello to Your Beloved: Sufism |
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15 | (2) |
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Learn to Trust Yourself: The Society of Friends |
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17 | (2) |
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Explore the Source of an Enduring Bond |
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19 | (10) |
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Discover the Freedom of Beginner's Mind |
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29 | (5) |
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Tune In to Yourself, Tune In to Your Lover |
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34 | (5) |
| PART II I, You, and Us: A Dance in Three Parts |
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Experience the ``Us'' Place of Relationship: Becoming More Than We Could Be Alone |
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39 | (3) |
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Experience Living in an ``Us'' Place |
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42 | (2) |
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Create More ``Us'' Consciousness |
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44 | (6) |
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Feel the Healing Power of Connection |
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50 | (5) |
| PART III Look in Your Own Mirror |
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Recognize the Masks You Wear |
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55 | (3) |
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Ask Yourself, ``Am I Talking About Myself?'' |
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58 | (2) |
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Remember to Ask, ``Who Owns the Problem?'' |
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60 | (1) |
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Live in the Center of Your Own Life |
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61 | (2) |
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Notice the Stories You Tell Yourself |
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63 | (4) |
| PART IV The Daily Practice of Living and Loving |
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Treasure Trust: Keep Agreements with Great Care |
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67 | (3) |
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Tune In to Your Deeper Motivation |
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70 | (2) |
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``That's Not What I Said'': Notice Your Interpretations |
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72 | (4) |
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Learn to Trust Your Intuition |
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76 | (3) |
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Of Love and Litter: Dealing with Compulsions in Relationships |
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79 | (5) |
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Explore Meditation and Psychotherapy |
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84 | (7) |
| PART V When I Was a Child, I Spoke as a Child: Am I Still Doing It Now? |
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Ask Yourself, ``What Age Am I at This Moment?'' |
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91 | (6) |
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Find Out Who Married Whom |
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97 | (2) |
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Recognize the Value of ``Leaving Home'' |
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99 | (3) |
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Explore Levels of Relationships |
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102 | (2) |
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Level One: Afraid to Be Close, Afraid to Be Separate |
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104 | (2) |
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Level Two: Sometimes I See You, Sometimes I Don't |
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106 | (7) |
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Level Three: Knowing Yourself So You Can Know Your Beloved |
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113 | (5) |
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Level Four: Feeling at Peace with Closeness and Separateness |
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118 | (2) |
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Level Five: I and Thou-We Are One, We Are Two |
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120 | (7) |
| PART VI Communion Is the Purpose of Communication |
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Tune In to the Dance of Sending and Receiving Messages |
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127 | (1) |
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Remember the Basics of Good Communication |
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128 | (5) |
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Give No Advice-Well, Most of the Time |
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133 | (3) |
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Ask for No Advice-Except Sometimes |
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136 | (2) |
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You Can Defend Yourself Without Being Defensive |
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138 | (2) |
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140 | (3) |
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Rebuild the Bridge: Forgiveness and Letting Go |
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143 | (6) |
| PART VII Make Friends with Conflict |
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The Art of Handling Conflict |
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149 | (1) |
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Meeting Our Differences: Fight the Good Fight |
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150 | (4) |
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Practice Conflict Prevention |
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154 | (3) |
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Recognize Counterfeit Conflicts |
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157 | (3) |
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Remember, We Are Animals with a Neocortex: Recognize Fight, Flight, and Freeze Reactions |
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160 | (4) |
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Recognize the Many Faces of Anger |
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164 | (11) |
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What to Do When You Reach an Impasse |
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175 | (4) |
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179 | (3) |
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182 | (6) |
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More Clarity, More Love: Help a Good Relationship Get Better |
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188 | (5) |
| PART VIII Making Love with the Beloved |
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Making Love: The Union of Body and Spirit |
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193 | (6) |
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Sexual High or Sexual Connection: What's the Difference? |
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199 | (5) |
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Finding Out Why the Fire Has Faded |
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204 | (3) |
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207 | (3) |
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Support Each Other Being Completely Honest |
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210 | (3) |
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Stay Lovers During the Parenting Years |
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213 | (2) |
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Understand the True Meaning of Monogamy |
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215 | (2) |
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What to Do with Attraction to Others |
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217 | (4) |
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Make Love with a Beginner's Mind |
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221 | (6) |
| PART IX I and Thou: Even Good Relationships Can Get Better |
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Keep Your Relationship Dancing |
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227 | (3) |
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230 | (2) |
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Remember, Our Task Is to Expand Our Love-Not to Change Others |
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232 | (3) |
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Accept Life's Daily Losses |
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235 | (4) |
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Relationships Need Tending, and Tending Takes Time |
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239 | (2) |
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Your Loving Relationship Blesses the World |
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241 | (4) |
| Recommended Reading |
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245 | (4) |
| Resources |
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249 | |